I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
