is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
