If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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