Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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