seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
