I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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