I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
