Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
