his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
