My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
