Is it normal to miss your booty call?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Randomize
