there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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