Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
