can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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