I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
