Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
