I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she looked like the before picture.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
