my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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