I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
