We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
