My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
