Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
