Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
