Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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