I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
