I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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