So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
