i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
