It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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