I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
