I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
