i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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