I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Operation Purity has been aborted
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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