I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
