your room smells of hookers.
And success
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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