Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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