Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
