Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
