I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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