do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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