just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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