Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
