I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
