She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
