Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
