lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
