I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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