so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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