I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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