moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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