mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
